Get Out of My Head!
We can all relate to having constant ruminating thoughts about what you could have done or what you should have done differently. Or, maybe it’s the little things that remind you of him or her, the gnawing feeling inside of your body, constant comparison, feeling lack or not enough, emptiness, and sometimes loneliness. These all lead to one thing: Feeling out of control.
Clients often ask me how to get rid of this and get over “that person.” The most annoying thing about these looping thoughts is that they occupy space inside of you, and it seems against your will!
“Give me steps, Elizabeth, please help me. I can’t focus on anything else, and it’s driving me insane.” And I completely understand that you feel insane. I know this because I’ve been there myself.
The answer that I tell them might come as a shock: There is not one singular solution. What I do know is that this feeling, this rumination, this obsession, is really trying to tell you something. And there will be a tricky balance to calming the mind to find that answer.
Start by identifying the triggering incident. Be specific. The more specific you can get, the more you can hone in on your feelings.
Next, identify the feelings. My default feeling is anger, and anger is a secondary emotion, so I have to dig deeper. Maybe I was hurt or embarrassed.
Next, you’ll ask yourself, what thought caused me to feel embarrassed. Your thoughts reinforce your feelings, and your feelings reinforce your thoughts. It’s like a checks and balances for your vessel. Except, unlike the government, this one you can influence, once you become aware of what’s running the show behind the scenes.
When you start to name your thoughts and the feelings they create, you interrupt the cycle. In my case of feeling embarrassed, I realized that I showed up inauthentically. At that moment, I knew I could do something about that. You shift from being consumed by the rumination to being curious about it. That shift is subtle, but powerful.
So no, there isn’t a magic formula to delete someone from your mind like an old contact. But there is a path to understanding what they represent in your internal landscape—and that’s what you’re actually trying to heal.
The goal isn’t just to “get over” someone. It’s to come back to yourself. You first now! The most powerful thing you can do isn’t forcing someone out of your head; it's choosing to come home to your own.
Let’s go!
xo,
Elizabeth